How to give a speech at a wedding

One survey found that 40% of couples were worried about the content of the speeches on their big day. Would there be inappropriate stories? Rude comments? Tales of exes past? Embarrassing pics? Drunken, slurring uncles?

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If you’re the speaker, the idea of getting up in front of a crowd can also strike terror into your soul. In fact, a recent poll found that public speaking is nestled right between snakes (#1) and heights (#3) when it comes to Americans’ biggest fears.

Whether it’s your big day or someone else’s, here are some tips to share (or use) for taking off the pressure—while leaving the happy couple just as you found them—happy.

1. Start with some prep.

There’s nothing more awkward than watching someone stumble nervously through an ill-prepared speech. It can also convey the message that the couple’s wedding day isn’t very important. So, think about what you’re going to say about them ahead of time and type up some notes. Look for some ideas online for inspiration, but make it your own. You could even interview the couple’s friends or family to get additional input. Believe it or not, there are some free wedding-toast planner templates that can help you prep. Here are some sample questions that can help guide your speech writing:

• How did you meet the bride/groom?
• How long have you known them (individually and as a couple)?
• What do you like most about them (individually and as a couple)?
• When did you know they were falling in love?
• What fun things do you do with them (individually and as a couple)?
• What are the top 10 things that come to mind when you think about them?
• What story ultimately sums up your friendship (and their relationship)?

2. Give equal time.

Even if you’re only friends with one half of the couple, don’t just make it about one person. Remember: This isn’t about your relationship, it’s about theirs. For example, if you’re only friends with the groom, be sure to at least mention a specific way the bride has made your friend very happy. Or maybe convey a nice story that the groom shared with you about his future spouse. (If you follow the tips in #1, you should have both sides covered.)

3. Keep it short, sweet and slur-free.

No matter what kind of speech you’re giving, or how great you think it is, keep it under three minutes—maybe even two. Remember: Multiple people will be giving speeches that day and it’s better to have the crowd longing for more—than longing to carry you off the stage. So, after you’ve introduced yourself, get to the speech and don’t linger. Have a clear beginning, middle and end. Also, avoid drinking until after you’re out of the spotlight!

4. Do it your way.

Above all, be yourself. That’s not to say, do whatever makes you happy at the expense of the couple. It just means, if you’re not generally considered an outgoing, funny guy, for example—don’t try to become one for the wedding speech. If you’re not the serious type, don’t force yourself into that role, either. But remember: A little humor goes a long way. In fact, here are a few subjects that should stay on the wedding toast no-no list:

• Ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends or ex-spouses
• Divorce jokes
• Sex jokes
• Dirty jokes
• Money
• Embarrassing pics or stories
• Divisive religious/political statements

5. Choose a delivery method.

While simply standing up and speaking from the heart is perfectly acceptable (and traditional), some people are choosing other methods for presenting their speech. For example, one survey found that while 72 percent of speech-givers chose to use the spoken word alone, 14 percent used props, 12 percent chose slideshows, and 2 percent chose music or singing. No matter what you choose, remember: The “no-no list” rules remain intact.

6. Practice, practice, practice.

Whether it’s in front of a mirror, or in front of a few friends, rehearse your speech before the big day hits. Even if you don’t plan on using a slideshow as part of your speech, you can still use it to practice! Some presentation software has a coaching tool that evaluates things like the length of your speech, as well as the pacing, pitch, use of filler words, informal speech, euphemisms and even culturally sensitive terms. It can sense when you’re being too wordy—or just too robotic. After each rehearsal, you’ll get a report that includes some helpful stats and hints to boost your presenting skills.

To sum it up, the recipe for a great speech comes down to this: Heavy on the prep and personalization—light on the alcohol and blue humor. Follow these guidelines and you’ll pull off a heartwarming speech that everyone will appreciate for years to come.